When I was single I had a pretty sophisticated repertoire when it came to the subtle art of wooing the ladies. It ranged somewhere between pulling pigtails and teasing like a 10 year old, or just kind of being around all the time like your average harmless stalker. Take it easy ladies, I know you’re all swooning at your keyboards, but I am completely off the market.
I know Nikki shared the story of how we first started our relationship, and when I stopped drinking tequila – The Night My Heart Was Stolen By Gilligan. The part that was left out between that and marriage and our son, was the courtship. Yes there was some teasing, but mostly I took the stalker angle. Nikki lived in a duplex next door to some mutual friends. This gave me an easy excuse to always be there. I would find any reason to visit that duplex. I showed up one day because I had “left” my sunglasses over there and our friends told me “Nikki is home, just go see her”. I think they were on to me at that point. When I was at Nikkis I would spend hours and hours there just talking. We would start out watching VH1’s Lynard Skynard Behind the Music and wind up just talking until the early hours of the morning. We have seen that show at least 20 times, but never watched the whole thing through in one sitting. She invited me over to help put a bookcase together, she invited me over to watch a movie we had talked about. She was apparently dropping signs that she liked me all over the place. I honestly thought she liked my friend, and that I was just someone to hang out with. Finally one night as I was leaving, she told me she didn’t think I was going to ever kiss her so she planted one right on my lips. Courtship dance complete, I am the master.
What does this have to with head trauma? The moral of this story is that guys don’t pick up on subtle signs like spending every waking hour with you, inviting you over and such. I have the answer though. All of you single ladies listen up. The answer is as simple as a brick. All single women should carry a brick with them at all times. I have seen your purses, there is plenty of room. If you like a guy, take out the brick and hit him in the head. It’s the only sign we are going to understand.