Assassins and Wolves

wolves

I live in house of assassins and wolves. There are three of us (excluding Vivi for this story), Nikki, our son, and myself. So who is the assassin and who is wolf? All three of us are in fact both.

At first glance it’s a normal family having a nice conversation. The assassin sits silently waiting for the slightest mispronunciation, grammatical error, or misuse of a word. A crack in the voice, a random change in pitch, or any other thing out of your control. The assassin comes out of the shadows and points out the mistake. With victim now vulnerable the assassin and the other family member turn into a pack of wolves and relentlessly tease, mock, and otherwise belittle the victim. Here are some examples to illustrate just how insane this dynamic is.

Nikki, who as you know by following her blog is an intelligent and articulate woman, accidentally pronounced the”P” in pterodactyl while playing Trivial Pursuit. Never mind that she was winning the game, it was all over. The wolves won.

Years ago our son, in the middle of a conversation informed us that he would not be put in a guilt trap. Nikki and I lost it, he tried to argue he was right, but the wolves had google on their side and proved the term was guilt trip.

Then there is me, I have a southern accent that likes to come and go, sometimes in the middle of a sentence. It doesn’t matter how serious a conversation it is, when this happens the wolves begin repeating everything I say in a highly emphasized Forest Gump accent. Imagine the name Nikki being said like Forest’s famous Jenny.

What’s worse is that it is not done and over, no this is permanent, you will never live it down. In this house, the word pterodactyl is always pronounced with the P, the term will forever be “guilt trap” (which oddly enough makes more sense) and I will always be Forest Gump.

At any moment any of the three of us can occupy any role, sometimes changing roles multiple times in one conversation. We are a ruthless bunch, not for the thinned skin or faint of heart.

I’m off to enroll in mime school.


8 thoughts on “Assassins and Wolves

  1. Yes this is ALL true…but you left out that it’s done in fun and we would never make fun of each other over something we were sensitive about. Now we are a rough bunch…not for the faint of heart…but we love just as strongly and wouldn’t ever let anyone else pick on each other. That would unleash an entirely different wolf! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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